Jamie. Gay. 21. Tumblr #2. Decided to start new and fresh again. Most people love me, at least I think so. I LOVE Lady Gaga and Sailor Moon
So much stuff happened and you cut me off yet again. This time, I will take all the blame in the world. I will drag my own self through all this suffering because I honestly, for once in my life, feel awful. This time I never expect to see you face to face ever again and I will spend the rest of my days being sorry.
Out of all the advice I had ever gotten, which included giving up and knowing I deserve better, only one person told me to follow my own heart. The one person who understands me. She told me that if I feel so strongly, then I should continue fighting even if it is the hardest thing I have ever done and even when I pulled every ounce of energy from my soul to do absolutely nothing and just end up having all my emotions catch up to me in a tidal wave. Universe help me.
I left an invitation to my graduation on your car the other day. I want you to be there. This was a long year and this chapter is going to finish with a big bang. I want you to see me shine.
Sorry for not being able to facetime with you that one day. I was in class!
So here’s the follow up.
I went to go visit my friends down in SLO, and it started off really well and then he texted me. Conversation didn’t get very far, he stopped responding. Didn’t text him for the rest of the weekend. Texted him on Monday. He actually responded. He told me his phone doesn’t notify him when he receives messages. Conversation did not go much farther. He, again, stopped responding. Days went by. I told myself that if nothing works on the last attempt, I would honestly put some more effort into giving up. My last effort? His birthday. He turned 28. He isn’t really into birthday because no one really celebrated with him. I surprised him last year with a video game and cupcakes and semi-getting high at a field/hill at cal state east bay (That last sentence would make a great Lana Del Rey song). I didn’t do anything big this year, just a simple message saying that I knew he was indifferent about his birthday but I cared about it for him anyways and wished him a happy one. Still nothing.
I now have absolutely nothing left to conjure up as a reason to contact him. So what did I do? I blocked his number. He still has me blocked on fb, so that’s not an issue, I guess. I was planning on deactivating it anyways. And, I am sure blocking his number is not a concrete way to get rid of him because I think it only works for iphone to iphone and he has an android. But, it’s a start, right?
I am crying right now.
mary had a little lamb
whos fleece was white as snow
it went out to a club one night
and dropped it hella low